Last night I had a very odd dream. I won't get into it, but it included the following vignettes:

Me and the ghostbusters in a small room around a cast iron pan on top of a flame. I opened a can of baby clams and poured out it out into the pan (straining it with the lid). I then plopped the clams from the can into the pan. There were three of them, as well as for some reason a bay leaf.
Bill Murray goes into the other room and I said, "I can't believe we're calling the mayor over thre piddly little clams"

In the woods. On horseback. Walking past makeshift corrals. In front of me is Harrold Ramis on a horse. In the corral we're walking past is Chris Elliot. Harrold says to me, as I am ready to take notes on my clipboard, "He was three quarters for wednesday".
"Three quarters of a horse?" I ask, confused.
"No, three quarter horses," he replies, and we continue on.

I thought that the three-quarters pun was pretty clever for a sleeping person to come up with.

Well a little cleaning goes a long way.

Last night I found the snake curled up under the rug in the living room while I was vacuuming. EW. What if I had vacuumed him up??!!!

THEN I found not one, but TWO HAMMIES living in the mattress of the sofabed in their room!! It was quite impressive. They had two entrances to their lair, a bathrrom, a lot of tunnels, and oh yes, they had completely destroyed the mattress.
So I didn't really feel bad taking a steak knife to the thing and ripping the entire top off to extricate them. Mama ham was very skinny (dehydrated I think) but the baby boy was fine. So now I have four hamster cages. Baby boy went into a small bird cage I had for when I take my dove outside for sun, mama want into a sectioned off bit of the baby girl cage, then there's the baby girl cage and then the papa ham cage.

I'm so excited that I got Gammera back AND Kaga back AND I got to rip up a mattress with a steak knife!!

BTW current count of lost animals in the house:
ONE (1) Mama Hamster
ONE (1) Baby Hamster, female (adult by now if lived)
ONE (1) Hamster, male
ONE (1) Garter snake, female.

They're all retarded morons for excaping from their cushy digs and I'm going to kill them if I ever find them (unless they're already dead in which case I'll find them by smell)

Kaga II escaped yesterday while we were at the Wilco show (torture. Sonic Youth in 100 degree weather? I nearly died). I don't know how she got out of her cage. What an ASSHOLE. I'm off to buy Kaga III.

I would just like to announce to the world that I am ALWAYS ahead of the trend. ALWAYS.
Remember that lipgloss I had that was posted on tunekies several months (more than several) ago? This one?


Yeah well, guess what is all over the drugstores now. HMMM??? Knockoffs! I paid $19 for mine. You can get the Revlon knockoff (it ain't on Revlon's site yet) for about $7.50 and It might be better because I use it more often cause it's cheaper, and then there is another knockoff whose name I forget that has a really bad applicator (it's like solid, not a little brush) and has a funny taste but only costs $4.99. So THERE.

Of course my surprisingly prescient taste usually manifests in my choice of footwear. Remember when Merrel Jungle slides and Mocs came out? Cause I sure do - I was selling hiking shoes, among other things, at the time.


Yeah. You've seen them. EVERYONE has them, in all sorts of materials and colors. Well guess what. In the beginning there were slides for women and mocs for men, and they only came in taupe and black. I didn't have the $$ to buy a pair of the slides in taupe until around November of 1999, but when I did, I assure you that people commented constantly on my "Robin Hood Elf" shoes. Yeah, well GUESS THE FUCK WHAT. A year later, guess who was wearing them. EVERYONE.

As another example, let me mention another pair of shoes, the Steve Madden Slinky.

I doubt you will find a more ubiquitous womens' shoes anywhere, although its popularity finally seems to be declining as of late. Knockoffs are still quite popular with the Walmart set. I bought a pair of those in late 1997 at a Steve Madden store. I don't think they went through the roof until 1999. I still have em. They're comfy.

Three years ago my mother went to Greece. I asked her to bring me back a leather purse (I don't have a photo; something like this only with a shoulder strap), and she did. I still use it like every day (me using a purse?! is another issue altogether). Guess what was super trendy last summer (or was it the summer before)? Oh yeah! Embossed leather purses. Man am I hot or what?

Peasant skirts? Did anyone say peasant skirts last summer?

And so on and so forth. I don't buy as much footwear as I used to back in the day, so it's hard to say what the next big trend will be. I will mention though that all those leather sandles with the toe straps that are all decorated and shit are pretty hip this summer. Yeah. When I was in Italy many years ago, I bought a pair of white leather sandles with just a single strap plus a big-toe strap, decorated with brass flowers. Uh huh. If I could find those god damn things I'd be a style diva this summer. Oh and when I say strap and toe strap I mean something like this without the connecting strap betwixt 'em.

The big question of course is what will be hot next year (since I already fufilled my summer quota with the lipstick). I shall have to check my wardrobs and accessories and get back to you....

We got a new snake tonight since Kaga died. The new one I think is a girl. She is much fatter than Kaga was, and shorter. She has a white dorsal stripe and orange spots down the sides of her body, on a background of yellow (Kaga was black with bright neon green stripes). She seems friendlier - she doesn't bite. But if she bites I bet it will hurt a lot more than Kaga's bites did!!

I'm inclined to name her "the snake" just like my dove is "the dove" and my turtle is "the turtle" and my hamsters are "the hammies" (well actually Gammera was the name of mama ham but she ran away two months ago who knows where she is! And the turtle is nicknamed "Tommy" and the dove is "Davey" and my cat, Beezer, is "Martin". Go figure)

Grant said maybe we should name her Kishi.

Something retarded is happening with this blog like I'm not me...

Cute Stella Bella photo of the day:

Ouch my head hurts.

But tonight is a Nancy Atlas night again. 9:30 PM, Parkside Lounge... I fel awful I missed last Sunday because I went out to a father's day lunch instead, and apparently Bill Parcells was there.

Ehhh who the fuck am I kidding. I don't give a fuck about Bill Parcells. Football is for secretly gay men anyhow.

I made a duct tape double of myself. I need to post pics when I finish getting it up on a stand. It doesn't really look like me (I'm pretty sure that I have two breasts, not one big monoboob) but hey... for a few bucks worth of duct tape and an hour of Grant's time to wrap me up, I'm not complaining.

It's gonna make making my Lord of the Rings costumes a hell of a lot easier.

Update: got home today. Zooey likes to bring presents when people come home. Today the present was a dead hammy. It got tossed outside in the garbage next to the other dead ham and all the dog shit from the backyard. Poor little girls.


At least the dogs must have had some fun *sigh*

As I sit here, waiting to burn a CD for Grant to give to WhiteyOwnsMe, let me relate to you a little story of a little massacre.

Last night I was sitting in front of the computer, when I heard Stella start whining the way she does when zooey steals one of her toys or has something that she wants. Hmm, I thought, I didn't give them anything. I wonder what it is?

SHE HAD A FUCKING HAMSTER IN HER MOUTH.

Dead. After the initial shock, I looked at it and figured maybe she'd found Mama who escaped a good month or so ago. Except this hammy was smaller... it looked like one of the baby hams in fact. So I went downstairs, and the habitrail had broken (fully my fault for not snapping back together properly, but then if grant hadn't dropped it...). That was the cage that had all the girl hammies in it (five of them). There was only one in there. Eventually I found two more, so now there is only one missing (plus of course mom and the original baby that got lost along with her).

There's blood all over the rug, there's blood on my sheets where Stella (I assume it was stella) was chewing on the ham and it's generally just very distressing to think of how that poor ham must have died. It is even more distressing to think of the other hams dying under furniture and rotting away only to be found some day when I rearrange or move.

Yuck.

Friendster. I don't get it. I really don't.

HOW TO BOIL WATER
Welcome to your own private cooking school. Whether you've never cooked, or have been doing it for years, here's your chance to learn all of the basic cooking techniques. Chef Frederic Van Coppernolle will show you the tools, techniques, and ingredients necessary to prepare foolproof versions of all your favorite dishes, whether it's meat, fish, eggs, pasta, vegetables, soups, stews, desserts, you name it! Using instant replay, slow-mo, and the unpredictable humor of co-host Lynn Koplitz, How to Boil Water will give you the cooking confidence you need to become a star in the kitchen.


This is a retarded show. It's basically this dumb bimbo who wears a retardedly short frilly apron and a gay frech man with a gay french accent that he purposely exaggerates so that she has an excuse to giggle and say "Ohh, Frederic! I can't understand what you're saying"
Clearly a show aimed at men (who we all know can't cook, right?) who can't cook, what with Lynn's stupid outfits and inane prattle. "Oh, you mean I can just cut stick this in here? Just like this? Ooh Frederic, stop it! Let's save that for later" as she TWEAKS HIS NIPPLE I kid you not.
Nevermind that the way they cook is retarded. Want a salad? Okay. You have to peel of every leaf from a head of lettuce, wash it individually, and then layer them all between layers of paper towling to dry. WHO THE FUCK HAS TIME FOR THAT? use a fucking salad spinner. Or better yet, buy a bag of mesclun mix.
What do the women get? We get Tyler and Bobby. And guess what. On their shows they actually cook. But then again, I guess guys will watch Tyler and Bobby too because they're manly men who GRILL. Actually, is Tyler really that manly? I can't really decide...

Yesterday, I went for dinner in the city. I had a ton of sashimi,


As well as a ton of shabu shabu (but no noodles)



At about 9:15 I left the city, drove home, and picked up Grant. He was feeling sick, but he decided to come out anyway. We drove out to Sag Harbor and caught two Nancy Atlas sets at the corner bar. Remember. Turn left at the light in Bridgehampton, not Southhampton where the sign is, lest you take Noyac road for 20 minutes like we did.

Grant drove home. I think I was falling asleep and talking in my sleep. I DO remember going past a house that was on fire next to 27 though. I could see the attic through the hole in the roof, and there were like 6 or 7 trucks there. That's the second such huge fire we've seen on our way home in the wee hours of the morning. Hmmm....

I'm going to see Nancy Atlas and Uncle Suzie tonight at the Village Underground. They're opening up for the Derailers, who look like they'll be fun. I'm still hurting from last night, but I'm just so embarassed about driving out to Montauk last Sunday (they played last Saturday) that I need to go tonight - besides, until last weekend, I hadn't missed a show since Nashville!

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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I have ketone-breath. Ew.

You know, my sunglasses made me wonder... why is a model that seems to be popular with guys - see, for example, the Ichiro model:
and the aforementioned Cyclops model:
Not to mention, both sell for an outrageous $400 (WTF?! I thought $285 was bad enough!!!)

Anyway, why is this model named the JULIET? Maybe these guys are secretly gay.


We all know which model of Oakleys Hugh Jackman would wear:

the Romeos -

Or what would Aragorn wear if he had to wear sunglasses?